Cell-Phone-Related Denial Is For Chumps!

Nothing pisses me off more than some self-important douchebag lecturing me on how superior his phone carrier is to mine. It usually starts like this:

Douchebag: I heard that if you take all your intestines out, it could wrap around the moon three times.

Me: You’re an idiot.

DB: No, it’s true, I saw it on Mythbusters.

Me: *sigh* Fine. I’ll look it up on my phone, just to prove that you’re an idiot.

DB: Alright, you’ll be sorry.

Me: Crap, I don’t have reception. I guess your ignorance is safe for now.

DB: What carrier do you have?

Me: [Evil Monopolistic Telecom]

DB: OHHHHHHHH, no wonder! They’re terrible! I never get dropped calls with my phone. It’s always perfect, even inside a cave in Costa Rica. I tried it once, I swear. I had to call my buddy to tell him how awesome the new Spin Doctors album was.

Scene.

Alright, so putting aside the fact that this guy is obviously an idiot, he’s also a liar. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not here to rant about how terrible the cell phone companies are. I’ve made peace with the fact that they can now cure cervical cancer but they still can’t work the kinks out of simple radio transmission. What I can’t make peace with is the fact that there are people on this earth that simply refuse to accept that something they paid for is less than perfect. Let's face it, if cell reception were faultless, we wouldn’t be bombarded with ads bragging how many bars they can stick in how many places (that’s not a typo).

What I’m trying to say is that your refusal to accept the realities of life isn’t helping the situation. It’s making you sound like an asshole, and more importantly, it’s making you look like a chump.