Getting Ready In The Car "On The Way There" Is For Chumps!

Just in case no one ever told you, here are some words of advice that have helped me greatly through my 17 years as a licensed driver:

• Put on your seat belt
• Hands at 10 and 2
• Don't forget to check your mirrors
• Put your FUCKING make-up on before you leave the house
  (I rarely wear make-up, but when I do, trust me, I put it on before I leave the house.)

I will say now that this post is mostly for the Chumpettes (chumpesses?) that I see driving to work in the morning putting on their makeup using the rear view or vanity mirror in the sun visor. I have occasionally seen men putting on their ties or perhaps shaving with an electric razor (which is also just as dangerous and ridiculous) but I would have to say women do this at a ratio of about 437:1.

Ladies, what takes you so long that you can't spend 5 extra minutes before you leave the house to finish putting your makeup on? If you're taking more than 5 minutes to makeup on, you're wearing to much makeup. That extra five minutes will help keep you and everyone else on the road safe. Because, believe you me, not wearing your makeup will look way better than the Joker style grin you'll have scarred across your face after you fly through the windshield because you were more worried about getting your $14 tube of Vegas Volt lipstick on than watching for that red light.

Take it from me Chumpettes, we would much rather see you at work looking a little less put together than usual, than be run off the road by your blind lane changing because you were too busy curling your hair with some battery powered contraption you ordered from the Sky Mall catalog.

Please, just set that alarm 5 minutes earlier and everyone will be happy.

(Hell, screw the alarm, just get to work 5 minutes late. If you're looking that hot the boss will be too busy fantasizing about that mid afternoon rendezvous in the copy room to really care.)