American Cars Are For Chumps!

That’s right, you heard me. Remember, this is coming from a reluctantly-public NASCAR fan (thanks Jason).

In 1908 the first Model T Ford rolled off the production line. We (Americans) were kings on four wheels. Man, we made some great cars; especially in the post-war era. Corvettes, Mustangs, Lincolns, ‘57s, we couldn’t be stopped. With the U.S.’s rise as a superpower, the American Car Industry followed suit and we were basking in its shark-finned glow.

Some time in the late seventies and early eighties things seemed to turn for the worse. American cars were growing increasingly similar to the American people—a little fat, a little dumb, and a little lazy. Refusal to accept that times were changing led large, bloated, inefficient cars when efficiency was exactly what people were looking for.

Here in the present, not much has changed. Why the fuck won’t this car turn? Why does the interior feel so cheap? Why does it perform like ass, yet still use twice the fuel as its Japanese counterpart? Sure it has a giant, shiny chrome grill in front but where’s the substance? How can it be that this compact rent-a-car-in-training has a seemingly-impressive inline-6 but still drives like a dump truck?

"You hate America", you say? Please, don’t get me started about patriotism. Since when does being patriotic mean we have to reward companies for making substandard products? I thought this country was founded on capitalism and choice? Maybe if we vote with our pocketbooks, the big three might take a hint and roll out something worth our attention.

What cars do we Yankees have to be proud of nowadays? For anything decent you have to pay upwards of fifty grand, anything less is just waiting for the “Hertz” treatment. Why is it that this (insert crappy ford/gm/chrysler here) is only worth half of what it was a year ago? Is it because nobody wants it? Let’s face it. The truth is you didn’t even want it, but Saturn promised you they wouldn’t haggle. Chump.